What is Alienation of Affection?
Chances are if you are living in North Carolina and you are planning to get a divorce, in particular if your spouse has cheated on you, you have heard of or come across something called alienation of affection. So what is it and what does it mean? Alienation of affection is a claim or a lawsuit where a wronged spouse, sues a third party (not the other spouse) for taking away their spouse’s affection and in essence breaking up the marriage. This action does not require some type of adultery. It could be a mother-in-law, a sister-in-law or even a best friend that has taken steps to break up the marriage. However, the most common situation is when one spouse has cheated or had an affair with another person.
The person that has been cheated on sues the girlfriend or boyfriend of their spouse, often called a paramour, for breaking up the marriage. The wronged party must also prove that the marriage was healthy before the other person came along and ruined everything. It doesn’t mean you have to prove it was a perfect marriage but you need to prove the marriage was at least intact. So if your husband or wife has cheated on you, in North Carolina you can sue the other man or other woman for breaking up your marriage. Sounds great right? Well, like anything else, there are pros and cons to these lawsuits.
The upside of being able to bring this type of lawsuit is that you can ideally win back all of your attorney fees and the costs you have incurred in getting a divorce. You can also ideally have some type of monetary gain from the person who broke up your marriage. You are also forcing this person to go through a lengthy court battle and hire attorneys to defend them against this claim. Many people feel this is a way to get back at or get revenge on the other person and their spouse since you can’t sue your spouse directly for cheating in North Carolina.
However, there are significant downsides to an alienation of affection lawsuit. The first is that the wronged party will have to fork over a lot of money in attorney fees and court costs just to bring the lawsuit. Court costs money, that’s why I’m always encouraging my clients to settle their divorce when possible because in the end it will save them a lot of time and money. With an alienation of affection action, just like any other lawsuit, you are paying your attorney usually hourly to gather evidence, represent you in court, and fill out necessary court documents. You are paying a lot of up front money for an unsure outcome.
A lot of people think their alienation of affection suit is worth the risk not only from the revenge aspect but also from a monetary point of view. We’ve all seen or heard of the million dollar judgments that the wife got on the husband’s mistress. However, this normally only happens when there is a baby born from the affair and/or there is some type of personal relationship between the wronged spouse and the third party. For example, if your best friend or your sister and your husband have an affair and said sister or best friend gets pregnant with your husband’s baby, then you will probably have a great alienation of affection case. These are the cases that have the big judgments because the actions are so despicable and wrong.
However, once again, there is an additional downside even after receiving a big judgment. How are you ever going to collect on a judgment? Is the person you are suing rich? Do they actually have the money to pay off this type of judgment? Either way you are going to have to spend additional time and money trying to collect the judgment you won in your lawsuit. Sometimes this money is never collected or isn’t collected until years and years down the road, normally at an extremely reduced rate.
The point here is this, are alienation of affection lawsuits still filed? Yes. However, most of the time it is as a last resort or as a negotiation tool in your divorce. Many spouses try to protect their new girlfriend or boyfriend so they are more willing to give the wronged spouse more in the divorce to keep their new relationship separate from the proceedings. They don’t want the stress of a lawsuit to tarnish this new relationship. This is, in my opinion, the best use for an alienation of affection lawsuit that allows the wronged party to get what they deserve in the divorce and move on. Pragmatically speaking, an alienation of affection lawsuit should only be filed if you can actually collect a judgment and if other avenues (mainly your divorce) have not succeeded in making you financially secure after the breakdown of the marriage. Spending years in court trying to collect a judgment on your ex’s girlfriend or boyfriend only feels good for so long, but it isn’t helping you move on and start your new life.
If you have more questions, please contact our office at 980-225-1832 or email at Info@DuncanLarsonLaw.com to set up a low-cost consultation to discuss your situation.